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  • 03Nov

    Justin Bieber Christmas Album “Under the Mistletoe” Inspires

    THOMAS KEATING ’13 | Entertainment Editor

    Every generation, there comes an album so great that it redefines how we think about music. Justin Bieber’s new Christmas album, “Under the Mistletoe” is that album.

    When I heard that J-Biebz was recording a Christmas album, I swooned and fainted. I’ve always been Biebz’s’ biggest fan, from his supercute YouTube vids to his totally hawt single, “Baby.” Naturally I had to write a review of this great CD.

    Arriving in stores on Nov. 1, I couldn’t help feeling like Biebz kept his loyal fans in suspense for too long. Christmas music had already been playing on the radio for half a month, and I have to admit he was a bit behind the curve. This was the only criticism that I agree with, among many from the haters.

    These haters claim that a Christmas album was just a cheap ploy by Biebz to scam more money out of his fans before he stops being flavor of the week. These haters also claim that Biebz will die in a gutter after a drug-and-fame-induced downward spiral. They are wrong. Like all great child stars, J-Biebz will continue his career for many decades to come. Therefore, J-Biebz is for sure not in it for the money. But I digress.

    The album starts off with “The Only Thing I Ever Get for Christmas,” a heartfelt ballad about a girl named “Shawty.” Singing a sweet and incredibly high melody, Biebz must have broken out the spandex pants for this song.

    The second song and lead single, “Mistletoe,” is possibly Biebz’s most mature song yet. Shawty makes another appearance in this song, with Biebz singing “With you, shawty/ with you/ with you, shawty with you/ with you under the mistletoe” for approximately ninety percent of the duration of the song. The lyrical complexity of the song is truly amazing.

    The best track on the album, and possibly Biebz’ best song to date is a duet with rapper Busta Rhymes. Biebz and Busta Rhymes spin out some sick raps alongside a reimagining of “Little Drummer Boy,” a Christmas carol that can only be matched by classics like “Good King Wenceslas” and “Santa Baby.” One of Biebz’s mad rhymes is “yeah I’m on the drum yeah I’m on the drum/ yeah I’m on the beat cause the beat goes dum.” Clearly, Biebz and Busta Rhymes have reached an unmatchable intellectual level with this song, since I can’t even begin to interpret its true meaning.

    Chris Brown drops in his mad songwriting skills on the track “Christmas Eve,” an intimate and sensual journey through Biebz’s holiday evening. Lyrics such as “Leave some cookies out! Imma eat ‘em all, eat ‘em all, eat ‘em all…” pull the listener in and don’t let go.

    Overall, The Canadian Pre-Pubescent boy wonder has delivered once again with “Mistletoe.” Because the album is perfect, it would be an injustice to write anything critical about it. I’m also impressed that Biebz, a Canadian, could sing relatable Christmas songs because I don’t think Canadians celebrate the winter holidays. My only suggestion would be that Biebz needs to stop appealing to my inner intellectual, and focus on what he’s good at, singing good and being uberhawtttt.

    Grade: A++++++

Discussion 4 Responses

  1. November 7, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    This is hilarious! I loved it!

  2. November 7, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Are you Kidding me? I cracked up and couldn’t read anymore after just reading the title and the first paragraph, and then it blew my mind that a boy wrote this, not a 12 year old girl.

  3. November 7, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    Excuse me, author! You owe me a new gut! I just busted my old one from laughing so hard at this article!

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